Am I seriously losing the plot?

So this happened today.

I was chatting with my Dad on the phone today, we don’t speak as often as I’d like but when we do we’re talking for hours, today’s call was around 90 mins. Yesterday’s was around 85 mins and the previous one (a month ago) was almost five hours. Anyway at the end of today’s call we were saying about how hungry and thirsty we were. We both agreed to make ourselves a cup of tea (of course, it’s always tea!) and a sandwich.

After we hung up I walked through to the kitchen to put the kettle on. I returned to the home office (also known as the dining room for normal people) to wait for the kettle to boil. Once the kettle had boiled I walked back through to the kitchen – without my cup!

“For f*ck’s sake.”

I return to the office/dining room. My phone beeped so I sat down to read, and reply to, a work email I’d received. I stood once more and returned to the kitchen to make my cuppa – without the cup again!

“Oh for f*ck’s sake!”

I stomp back to the office, grab my cup and return to the kitchen. I make the cuppa and return to the office – WITHOUT MY CUP OF TEA!

“For f*ck’s sake, what is wrong with you?”

Again I walk back to the kitchen, grab my cup of tea, and carry it back to the office. I set it down on my desk beside my PC keyboard and then head up the stairs to pee. I retrace my steps back down the stairs, pass the office and walk straight into the kitchen. Where’s my cup of tea? IT’S IN THE F*CKING OFFICE!

“Jesus, Gary, you are losing the plot!”

I take the walk of shame back to the office, plonk myself down on my chair and send my Dad a text message explaining this whole episode. He replies with “Welcome to my world” followed by…

“What about your sandwich?”


In other news I forgot to breathe the other day. And some people don’t believe I have ADHD.

Everybody needs a Sadie

G’day, bonjour, guten tag, now then, alreeeet.

An interesting thing happened today. I made a call to the Sky call centre as I’m very unhappy that they keep increasing their prices. Every few months they’d contact us trying ot offer us these “amazing deals”, admittedly some of them were pretty good so we got Sky Cinema, Sky Sports, Sky F1. Little did we know when we upgraded to these “special offer packages” that they all had different end dates so every couple of months our bill would be hiked. When we first joined Sky back in October 2022 we were paying £48 per month. This month it hit £93 and next month it will be £134.90. Naturally I’m not happy with a 281% increase of my bill in just 18 months. So, I made that call to cancel my contract

As is usual with all these “service providers” they always try to get you to stay by offering you a new “special deal” that’s valid “today only”. Sky is no different.

“Before we cancel your contract, sir, I’d like to check to see what special deal I can offer you so you can continue to enjoy the service you love.”

I wouldn’t say I “love” the service but I’ve not had reason to complain – until today with their £44.90 price hike.

“I can offer you everything you’re currently enjoying for the great low price of £118.”

“£118 you say?”

“Yes sir, you’d be saving £800 a year by agreeing to this new contract.”

“Maths isn’t your strong point is it‽ I think you’ll find that there is no saving whatsoever because March’s bill is £93 and you’re offering me April’s bill for £118, an increase of £25 per month. No thank you, please cancel my account.”

“OK sir, let me just see what else I can offer you.”

“No, please just cancel my account.”

“Bear with me sir…OK I can offer you everything you’re currently enjoying for the great low price of £116. How does that sound?”

“No you’re still not getting it are you? That’s still £23 more than I’m currently paying. Please cancel my account.”

“Hold on sir… I can offer you everything you’re currently enjoying for the amazingly low price of £115. Is this agreeable to you?”

“What part of ‘please cancel my account’ do you not understand?”

After another few minutes of diasagreements I managed to get it down to just £20 more than my current contract at which point Sadie intervened and practically screamed at the woman. We have now cancelled our contract and we have also been discounted, in full, the early termination fees which amounts to a saving of £1079.20.

The moral of the story is: get yourself a Sadie.

If anybody needs to hire Sadie to save yourself some money let me know.

The conversation ended with the adviser calling me Julie and telling me to enjoy my weekend. Bearing in mind it is Sunday night and the last time I checked I’m not called Julie.

So how’s your day been?